dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
