I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
