In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
