I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
