sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
