we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
