If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
