those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
