oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
