I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
