Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
