we have pet lesbian snakes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
