I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
