he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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