My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
