Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
