I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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