conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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