I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize