Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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