your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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