Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
