I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
