just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You made out with two different species that night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
