I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I deserve this hangover.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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