We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
