Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
