i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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