I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
