Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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