Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
