and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
