The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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