I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
