Welp...herpes.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
