Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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