you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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