Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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