More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
