Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
