I accidentally burped into my bong.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The uberlube is also flammable
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
