I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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