I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
