i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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