I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
