It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
