I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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