You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
