a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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