I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
