Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she looked like the before picture.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
