I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
