I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
