I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize