I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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