Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
