well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
