During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
