just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
