apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize