yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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