Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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