just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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