He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
