i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
